


I See Stars

by wonderfulmax90



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Childhood Trauma, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Parental Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, maybe? idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 06:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14636438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfulmax90/pseuds/wonderfulmax90
Summary: What happens when a man cursed to never love, falls in love?





	I See Stars

Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound pierced of my alarm hit my ears, drilling into my head. It was the first sound I had heard in hours. I looked up from my schoolwork and rubbed my neck lightly. I had been staring at the old pages for hours on end and now my alarm clock which was supposed to be waking me from sleep was now yelling at me to get ready for school. I sighed and pulled my aching body out of the chair. I gathered up whatever notes I needed for class, setting them on the dining room table before heading over to the coffee pot. There was still enough left for one more cup so I poured myself one before setting it in the microwave. I headed to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, hands resting on the sink while I leaned in for closer inspection.

I definitely looked worse for wear. My hair was coming out of its bun. There were bags under my eyes from being up for a few days straight which I knew was unhealthy as fuck. My therapist had been trying to get me to go to a sleep clinic for my depressive insomnia but I told her I would work on getting to sleep at a reasonable hour, I didn't. My body was still wide awake in the middle of the night and even if I did fall asleep, I had recurring sleep paralysis and I'd be damned if I saw that fucking creature again. I was pale and there was still pizza sauce on my mouth from two-no, three-days ago. There was a new coffee stain on my sweater but I couldn't pinpoint when I spilled the caffeinated drink on myself. There were a few pimples on my face and I couldn't tell if they were from stress or from me not washing my face. Either way, I still looked like a prepubescent man-child. I rubbed my eyes and looked down at the phone in my hand. There were a few emails that had piled up so I took a few moments to check them. There were a few junk emails. Most of them were from clubs that I had missed out on. A few were from professors, wishing the class a happy summer break.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself. I had totally forgotten that this was my last year as an undergrad student, at least technically. That and finals week had come and gone in a blur. My body sagged in relief as I pulled my hair back and stretched a bit. I still needed a shower though, it was long overdue. I turned the water on and stripped of all my clothing. Really it was just my oversized shirt but it was still clothing that had to go. I pulled myself into the shower and sat down. I couldn't bring myself to actually stand up in this situation nor did I have time to take a bath, if I had a tub.

The shower felt nice on my aching body but not nice enough. I was still aching. Too many hours were spent hunched over my work. Over what would be 'the next great American novel' or whatever my parents would have deemed it. Truly it was just some silly book that was supposed to be a young adult novel about the tales of Asgard. Truly I didn't need to be doing this much research but then again this was also apart of my studies as a student. It was hard enough reading some of the myths in English but reading them in ancient languages I barely knew was even harder. Most would say that I was crazy for starting my graduate work this early but honestly it was a long story, a really long story I had no mind in telling anyone except those closest to me. That way I would know that they wouldn't go spilling the beans to TMZ about me and my crazy life.

I blinked lightly and shut off the shower. I couldn't be wasting water like this. I turned my head up to the ceiling, contemplating on whether or not I should get out of the shower. Even if the water was off, it was still warm in here, but the cold had begun seeping in from the gap between the door and the floor. I shuddered and stepped out of the shower, pulling a towel around my body thinking about the next step in my usual routine. Conditioner. I needed conditioner. I fumbled around the bathroom looking for where I last put the important bottle. My eyes searched the bathroom one more time before...AHA! There it was. It sat on the sink, right where I left it the last time. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity and breathed a sigh of relief.

Arms heavy, I leaned against the sink, looking at myself. Copper eyes looked back, an eye color that I only saw when I was under stress. My eye also twitched from the stress that I was under. I sighed once more and took a few deep breaths before turning to the bottle on the sink. I pumped the liquid into my hands and ran it through my hair. Eventually, I began twisting my hair up, putting it under a cap. As soon as that was done, I set a timer for an hour. Once that was all done, I walked over to the living room, sitting down on the couch and turning on the TV.

"In breaking news, three teenagers were found dead after a meteor crashed into Lover's Lane early yesterday evening. More details are coming in as we speak and we will keep you updated over the next few days." The newscaster looked blankly at the monitor and then back down at her papers, shuffling them in her hands. I rolled my eyes and switched the channel, standing up.

I walked over to the kitchen and pulled some fruit out of the fridge. I pushed past a few drinks and sighed. The strong scent of rotting something came out of the fridge. I picked up the source of the smell and lifted it to my nose. The milk had gone bad. I sighed lightly and threw it out. I wouldn't be able to buy more milk for another week or two when I got paid. I poured some of the fruit into a bowl and craned my neck to look at the TV. I absentmindedly grabbed the cup of coffee out of the microwave and sipped it. It was a bit cold but I couldn't be bothered to reheat the dang thing.

The screen hadn't switched from the news channel like I wanted. It was reeling some footage from the crash. I bit into a strawberry and watched as the crew tried to clean up the relative mess. Three black plastic bags sat in the corner of the screen, just barely seen. My breath hitched when I saw what was on the arm of one body. It was a tattoo, a prison tattoo to be more specific, and one that belonged to a man I went to school with. I shivered when some of the cops pulled up the bags to look at the bodies. The camera panned over and zoomed in on the bodies.

"You would think someone would have warned us about the meteor or something." I popped a raspberry into my mouth and looked up at the television, picking up my bowl. I walked over to the couch once again and sat down on the couch, the bowl between my legs.

"Scientists say that they did not see the meteor anywhere on their satellites." The woman almost seemed to know what I was saying to her, knowing the answer to my question and speaking on cue as if we were having a conversation. She stepped into frame and smiled awkwardly, her body shielding the dead bodies from any innocent eyes watching.

I rolled my eyes once more and tried to find the remote. I went into a panic, pulling the blankets off of the cushions. I looked around on the floor. I looked on the table and sighed lightly. My eyes darted around the room. They settled on the vital object not too far away from where I originally put it. I breathed a sigh of relief. My warm hand touched the cool plastic. I turned, sitting back down on the couch. The blanket I had left on the floor was out back around my shoulders. I muted the news and scrolled through the channels. Nothing else was really on so I just left the news on for now. I pressed the mute button again and sighed, listening in on what was happening to this fucked up world of ours.

Now, I needed to find my phone. It must have been left in my room since I would've found it in my panicked haze. The blanket fell off of my shoulders as I stood up from the couch. A sigh left my mouth as I stood up. My joints creaked, aching in pain as I stood up. My medication was around here somewhere but first I had to get my phone. More and more joints began protesting as I began walking. The cortisone shots in over ninety percent of my joints had worked a bit but they wore off really quickly. The joints creaked and groaned in protest. I shuffled back to my room and picked up my phone. My knees had stiffened to the point where I could barely move them anymore. All while groaning in pain, I shuffled my ass back to the bathroom and threw open the medicine cabinet. My hand blindly reached through the bottles of medicine keeping me alive.

"'Ey, asshole, you left the motherfucking television on again!" The deepest voice I had ever heard in my life, called out to me. I rolled my eyes and turned my head to the door. My hand still fumbling and rummaging through the medicine cabinet.

"Asshole, I was coming back. I forgot to take my fucking meds and now I gotta shuffle like motherfucking Frankenstein until they kick in." I turned my head back to the cabinet and grabbed ahold of the bottle.

"You and that motherfucking medication. You need to take that shit on time. I don't need to find you curled up on the couch in so much pain that you can't move." I pulled the small pill out of the pill bottle and found the water bottle that I left in the bathroom. I popped the pill and shuffled back out to meet my friend.

He was as tall as ever and I swear he got taller every time I saw him. I was smaller than him, of course, but not by much and I only say that because I don't like feeling small. In reality, he was a freaking giant. This man was seven feet tall and I was about six feet tall. His height was matched by bulging muscles. A small smile was always painted on his face. He was a man of jokes and there was always laughter with him. He slouched down a bit to talk to me on account of how short I was compared to him. He wrapped me in a hug and pulled back when I winced in pain, smiling lightly as he looked at me. His large hands sat on my shoulders as lightly as possible.

"I know I need to take my medication, giant, I'm the one who has to go through all of this stupid pain." I whimpered lightly, looking up at him.

"Okay, elf, want me to head to the grocery store and get some food?" I giggled at our little nicknames for the two of us. We were both decently tall and James was taller than me, obviously. I didn't even know why the names stuck, but they did. James waltzed over to the fridge and opened it up. His eyes wandered over the empty fridge and sighed.

"I'm going to get some as soon as I get paid." James rolled his eyes and closed the fridge door. He walked over to the island and leaned over it. My eyes automatically looked down at the table in front of me.

"You're a fucking Ph.D. student, the youngest in your fucking field, and you're a fucking photographer. You are the definition of a fucking broke college student. You don't even get paid on a regular basis. How do you expect to get food? You've been begging friends and shit for free food. How much money do you have in that bank account of yours? Is it even enough to pay rent this month?"

"I do have enough money to pay rent this month and I am going to get paid, my prints are selling really well. I have a few shoots lined up with models."

"And how much are they paying you for these shoots?" James leaned over, glaring at me. His eyes grew more and more intense as he looked at me. I wiggled uncomfortably under his gaze.

"In food," I whispered, not wanting James to hear though I'm sure he would hear me. Searching and salvaging for food had always been in my nature. It had, and always will be a part of me.

"Right, in food! We need money! You need money! Were you raised by wolves!" James slammed a fist on the table, turning his back on me. A sigh left his mouth, two large fingers rubbing either one of his temples.

My chest rose as I sharply inhaled. I held my breath as my eyes looked at the man I called my friend. The raised by wolves comment was too close to home. He knew I did spend most of my formative years out in the cold with nothing but actual wolves for friends. He knew I was just another kidnapping kid. I was a no one who had to restart my whole nobody life. My whole teenage years were spent rebuilding years that I had lost. He knew I had a job as well, a real one that actually paid money. He always seemed to forget that small fact as soon as we got into a fight about money and how I was going to pay for my half of the rent. I released the breath I was holding and looked down.

"That was a low blow, I know. I'm sorry." James' voice was softer now but the damage was already done. Tears welled up in my eyes, wiping my eyes. I stood from my chair and swiftly moved back to my room, grabbing my camera bag. I pulled, more like ripped, the stupid shower cap off of my head and just left the twists in. I couldn't be bothered to take them out just yet. James yelled at me but I didn't process the words. Keys in hand, I walked out of the house.

The air wasn't as chilly as the weatherman had predicted. Even if it wasn't as cold, it still was decently frigid outside. I should've brought a jacket. I instantly regretted not bringing a jacket in my haste. A wind came hurrying up the street. I shivered, getting colder by the second and looked down. To be honest, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. My feet knew where they were going. At least I hoped they did. There was nothing I could do to stop it now. My mind was disconnected from the rest of my body. I took a few deep breaths and brought myself to a park just outside of the apartment buildings. I sat down on a bench and looked out at the scene in front of me.

There was a wedding going on. A really beautiful one at that. The afternoon sun hit the groomsmen just right. A woman was on the phone, looking frantic as ever, her eyes scanning the area. She wore a light, floral dress, apparently apart of the wedding. As soon as she spotted the bench, she walked over and sat down next to me. Tears stained her cheeks. Her face was flushed and her eyes were red, as were her cheeks. A light sob exited her mouth as the voice over the phone seemed angry. The woman kept sobbing and sighed, resting her elbows on her knees as she looked over at me. The wrinkles in her forehead appeared as her brows furrowed. She eyed my camera case and her eyes lit up.

"Are you a photographer? Like a professional one?" She asked, slowly hanging up the phone. I nodded lightly and patted the camera case.

"Yeah, kind of the point of this very professional looking camera case, why?" I asked, looking her over. A smile lit up her face, making her look younger than what I had originally pinned her as.

"Our original photographer just canceled on us. We'll pay you a thousand dollars for the first hour then five hundred for every hour you have to work overtime, we'll even pay overtime if you work just a minute longer." James would be proud of me, actually getting money instead of food. I nodded and looked at her. She squealed happily and went back to the wedding. I followed just behind her and smiled lightly. I hung out against a tree as I would feel out of place if I just sat down at a wedding without being invited.

I know we're having a bit of a fight right now, but I stumbled upon a job. $1,000 for the first hour. $500 more for each hour I work overtime. I texted James because even if we were fighting, I knew he would want to know where I was and what I was doing. That's just how we were. No matter how bad the fight and they did get really bad sometimes, we still checked on each other. Especially if one of us walked out and as hard-headed as we were one of us always ended up walking out of we fought.

The wedding ended beautifully. Most of the party was crying. Even I was in tears and I didn't even know these men. The grooms walked down the aisle and right towards me. One looked younger than the other one, though I'm sure it was just a really odd thing that had ended up happening. I had heard of those who had lost their partners to the AIDs epidemic and married younger, but the older man didn't look that old. They were all smiles, as expected, which made my life at least twenty times easier. I smiled to myself and lead them to a quieter spot in the park. The wedding party would join us in half an hour but for now, it was me and the two amazing grooms.

The younger one seemed to be of Caucasian descent. He had bright blue eyes full of wonder. It was as if he hadn't been ruined by the world around him. He still had this very innocent look to him, one of which I admired very deeply. Too many people let themselves be ruined by the world, myself included. If the man was anything like what he looked like, then I knew he would go far in this wretched planet we call home. The man couldn't have been much older than me but he had wrinkles around his eyes, probably from smiling so much. His hair was a super dude blonde that fell to just barely touch the top of his shoulders with natural beach waves. There was a natural tan to him, probably from spending hours in the sun. There was a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheek area. He was not much taller than me which meant that he sat at about six feet tall.

The older one also wasn't much taller than me, though most people tended to do that. They either sat taller or shorter than me, as with most people but for two seemingly cisgender men, it made a lot of sense. This man was darker than the younger, sitting at about my skin tone of ethnically ambiguous. He had bright blue eyes as well with coiled hair that barely touched his ears. His hands were large and had a few scars on them anointed with a few fresh cuts as well. Bright 'skin tone' band-aids were wrapped around both of his middle fingers. Huge calluses sat on his fingers and palms.

"My name is Hero and I will be your photographer today." I extended a hand to the older groom and shook his hand. The other one did the same when I extended the courtesy to him as well.

"My name is Alexander and this is my husband, Jacob." The younger one smiled as he introduced the two of them. Jacob, the older one, smiled as well.

"Well then, let's get to the pictures. First off, I'd like you both to stand against this tree and kind of just like...look at each other if that makes any sense."

~

I walked home, money in my bank account and a pep in my step. There was money in my bank account and there was enough to pay rent and get some food for the month. There was a bit of overtime pay as well but I I smiled widely and looked up at the skyscrapers in front of me. I pulled out my camera and took a few photos before scrolling through them. Alexander and Jacob were amazing models, as were the rest of the wedding party. Both of them, along with the party, agreed that I could put them on my Instagram once they saw the raw photos. Alexander said that the natural light had made the photos much better than they already were. The pictures would look amazing on my feed and in the homes once I got them printed out. I headed all the way home, stopping every few moments to take pictures of whatever I found interesting. It made the way home a bit longer but I didn't mind. The receptionist smiled at me when I walked in. I turned the corner to the elevators and headed all the way up to my floor.

I couldn't even get two steps into the apartment before James pulled me into a hug. After overcoming the initial shock, I smiled lightly and hugged the giant back. His whole body enveloped me in warmth. James rocked me back and forth a bit. He lifted me up and held me. I wrapped my legs around his waist. James walked us over to the couch and sat down. I nuzzled into his neck and smiled lightly once more.

"I'm sorry for all that I said to you. That comment was uncalled for. I know how hard you've worked these past few years with getting back into society and working on your doctorate at such a young age. There's a lot of stress involved and I'm sorry for letting my own stress get in the way of that." I rolled off of James and sighed lightly.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, looking at the man. James had a few health issues due to being so tall and I worried a lot about him and his failing joints.

"I have to go get more cortisone shots tomorrow and another doctors appointment. They still don't believe me when I say that my joints get stiff and lock up. They just don't know how much pain I'm in. I've tried everything they've recommended to me and it makes no sense. They keep giving me temporary fixes for something so permanent."

Tears rolled down his face. I knew his whole history and even I knew that it was super fucked up that he didn't have anyone who believed him. He hugged me close and sighed lightly. More and more tears spilled out of his eyes as he hugged me closer. There was nothing I could do to comfort him. I had tried everything before. I never really knew what to say to him anymore. He seemed to take it all and forget it instantly. I held him close and tried to calm him down but I knew I should just let him cry.

"You okay?" I asked a few moments later when his sobs had subsided. James nodded and lifted his head up, wiping some tears off of his face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." He whispered, scooting away from me and grabbing the remote off of the coffee table. He hated crying in front of people, even me. He said it made him look weak. Even if I reassured him that it didn't make him weak, he still hated crying in front of me.

"It's totally fine." I checked my watch and looked down. It was almost noon and I had to go to work around then so I stood up. I headed into my room and sighed lightly.

My room still looked like a bit of a mess. Papers were still strewn about the bed even though I hadn't used my bed in the past few days. It was still made up but there was a dent in the middle of it from where I had begun my huge binge of studying. I promised myself that I would clean it up after my shift. The closet was still a bit ajar from when I had used it last. I sighed lightly and opened it a bit more, grabbing my work clothes. I changed as quickly as possible before heading out again, giving James a kiss on the head and a pat on the back before leaving the apartment.

My job, the 'real' job, didn't pay as much as I would like it to but it was still enough to scrape by on months when I didn't have many shoots booked or prints sold. The living wage in this town wasn't really enough to actually live, at least live decently. Apartments were decently expensive and you had to have at least one roommate otherwise you may actually be homeless. That's how expensive it was. Though, I was able to scrape by with more than one job. As much as I wanted to have one job this was how I was going to survive. This was how I had to survive. I was glad that I had James to help me out.

"Hey, Hero, there's a new kid joining the team today and we need you to train him." Damn. I hadn't even taken two steps into the fucking coffee shop and my manager was already barking orders at me.

"Yeah, sure, of course." I had to agree with him. He could ruin my life with a few words, more specifically within two or three little words. I turned slightly and looked down as I hung up the jacket I had taken with me.

"He should be here any moment." My manager turned and headed out of the employee room and left me to my own devices. I set my lunch in the fridge and headed out to the main room. I tried to clean up the tables as much as possible between customers and I was almost done with a table when my manager pulled me over to the back room. I dropped my rag into the dishwasher's sink and smiled apologetically at them. I yelped in surprise and looked around wildly.

"Fuck," I whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear me. Luckily he didn't seem to mind or didn't hear at all. I smiled lightly and looked over my shoulder to see if anyone else had seen the scene my manager had made.

"This is the new guy. He'll be shadowing you for a while before heading out on his own." My manager still hadn't asked if it was okay for me to train him but whatever. He tossed the restaurant's uniform at the new guy and left us alone.

"Sorry about that. He can be a bit of a dick sometimes, but don't tell him that I said that," The man giggled and looked around awkwardly. "Oh, let me show you where the employee bathroom is."

I lead the new man back to the restaurant and into the backroom. The restaurant was slowly filling up with more and more people. He gave me a smile as I began moving a bit faster. I tried to move quickly and get back to work as soon as possible. I hated missing the rush. They made the day go a bit faster. Also, the tips were a little bit better than what I got during the slow period. The man nodded when I opened the door to the bathroom. I waited a bit and he poked his head out a few moments later.

"What's wrong?" I asked, reading the level of concern on his face. He smiled awkwardly and stepped all the way out. The shirt was small and clutched to his chest. I tried to stifle the laughter that bubbled up in my throat.

"I think I need a bigger shirt." He began fiddling with the buttons on the shirt. I rolled my eyes and looked over my shoulder. My shirt was a bit bigger than what I needed and I definitely didn't need this big of a shirt.

"Maybe we can switch shirts. No one will know. My shirt is way too big anyhow." I looked from over my shoulder and back to the new man.

"I got this. I'll fix it later. I'll ask our manager after our shift, yeah?" He smiled lightly and looked down. I nodded and turned on my heel, walking out of the room. The man followed me out.

"The name is Hero, what's yours?" I asked over my shoulder. The man sheepishly moved forward and smiled lightly. He wrung his hands and moved closer to me.

"The name is Noah but everyone else calls me...well, there's no nickname. I don't know why I said anything like that." He whispered, wringing his hands even more.

"Okay Noah, considering this is your first day, you'll be shadowing me until you get the hang of everything. Does that sound okay?" Noah nodded and looked down.

"What's wrong, you nervous?" I asked. Noah nodded lightly and looked down at his hands, wringing them lightly and looking around at the floor.

"Just a bit but I think I'll be okay." I nodded and headed to the first table of the night, Noah rolling close behind me. I introduced Noah to the table then went about taking orders.

~

I laid down on the bed and smiled lightly. The night had gone off without a hitch except for the fact that I had that trainee slapped onto me. and I was decently happy about that. I rolled over in my bed and tried to calm myself down. My body ached, as expected. The bedroom was as small as I had remembered but seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. I looked down and sighed, closing my eyes lightly. My eyes drooped and burned. I reached over and grabbed my melatonin, taking it with one swift drink of my water. I closed my eyes lightly and pulled the blanket over me.

My eyes opened, looking around the small room I resided in. It was dark, possibly the middle of the night at this point. My mouth was as dry as cotton balls and I wanted to move but my body wouldn't comply. I sighed to myself as I tried to move once more. I didn't panic as this wasn't the first time I ended up in a position like this. I knew what was going on. I tried to move my head but my neck was the only thing that would comply with me. I could see to my right, to my left and just a bit of the foot of my bed. The shadows around me moved, looking down at me. They were a normal part of this experience and I considered them less scary now than when I first saw them, but someone knew was here.

A teenaged sized figure sat in a bright green rocking chair. He was faceless with stringy black hair and blonde roots. I looked at him and his eyes, or the smooth area where his eyes were supposed to be, seemed to stare at me. A torn hoodie covered his torso and his jeans covered his thin legs. He just looked at me and I tried to speak but my lips wouldn't move. I turned my head to the left and to the right slowly, trying to shake the image out of my mind. This had to be a dream, it had to be. I closed my eyes and squeezed them shut as hard as I could but when I opened my eyes he was still there, still staring at me. He was there, staring at me with eyes that weren't even there. I turned and tried to shake the image away. But he wouldn't go away. Eventually, I gave up trying not to see him. He was just a part of my dreamscape now.

The figure stood up, walking over to my bed in a slow, zombie-like walk. His left foot dragged while his right foot did all the work. Groans and grunts left his mouth as he dragged himself closer to my bed. He was slow, every step seemed agonizing. His steps were wet like he had been walking in a rainstorm. The faint smell of mildew hit my nose. Without any kind of facial features, I could still tell that he was in a lot of pain. That each step shot pain through him. He reached out, left hand raising up to shoulder level. He reached forward, almost touching my face with his hand, and I jolted ever so slightly, body snapping out of its paralysis. The shadows retreated just as quickly as they appeared. and so did the newest figure to the arsenal of demons that entered my mind at night.

A small scream escaped my mouth, covering it up as soon as I noticed the sound coming out of my throat. I grasped my hand to my chest. My heart almost seemed to beat out of my chest as I looked around wildly. Everything was as it was. No more shadows and no more figure. I reminded myself to take deep breaths. I had experienced this all before. It was nothing new. Well, almost nothing new but nothing I couldn't handle in the long run. I knew what was happening was a figment of my imagination. That none of this was really happening. I sighed, looking down a bit. Sweat damped my shirt and forehead. The blankets were tangled around my legs. My heart began to slow its pace and I threw the blankets off of me. The sun was out now and I had to get to get my day started.

I went through the motions of any other normal morning. This was the only way that I could get myself into a mindset where I was able to function. Sleep paralysis was a normal thing for me but it didn't happen a lot. I pulled on a hoodie and some shorts, walking into James' room. The lights were still on and I wanted to be bothered but it was still too early to chew on him. He slept soundly and I hated getting him up this early but I had too. I rubbed his back a few times and shook him lightly. James groaned and rolled over, pulling the blankets over him. I smiled sleepily and moved him even more, groaning louder than he ever could. I hoped that it would wake him up. It took a few moments to get him fully awake and I smiled lightly. James rolled over, looking up at me. I waved for him to wake up. James nodded and looked down, waving me off.

"Come on, get up." I grabbed James' foot, which hung off of the bed and laid on a few pillows that James used to MacGyver an extension to the bed, and pulled on it. James' body moved ever so slightly, I smiled and kept moving the huge man. James groaned even more and sighed lightly.

"Okay, I yield. I'm getting up." James groaned and sat up in his bed. James' foot fell to the floor as I let it go. I smiled lightly and placed my hands on my hips.

"We need to go to the store and get some food. Then we're heading out and taking some good photos of you." James looked at me, cocking his head to the side. I rolled my eyes and looked down at the man.

"Why are we taking pictures of me again?" He asked, looking up at me and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. I shuddered, thinking about last night's dream.

"Because you're tall as fuck and super unique. That and people love seeing you on my Instagram." James got up, hitting his head on the ceiling. I stifled a laugh and eventually ended up giggling lightly.

"Okay, I'll do it but we need food first. Well, I have to get dressed first. Any outfits you want me to bring or are we going to make it up as we go along?" James looked at me over his shoulder.

"Bring the trenchcoat and the dress. Those are interesting pieces." James nodded and pulled the two patchwork pieces out of his closet. I smiled lightly and looked at him.

James' pieces were always the best because they were a patchwork of different pieces. He was huge and some clothing companies didn't make things in his size. If he wasn't as huge as he was muscle wise he would find clothes but he was tall and full of muscle. James had to make a lot of his stuff on his own. He had created a few costumes for small, indie movies and a few big budget movies as well. I had even commissioned his work for a few shots as well, considering his work was so nice. He dropped the pieces into my arms. I smiled and looked at the clothing.

"Well, aren't you going to back out? I need to get dressed." James waved me off, looking me over. I smiled lightly and walked out into the kitchen. I set the clothes on the countertop and sighed lightly. The fridge was empty, I knew that much. James ate a lot and so did I. We normally only shopped once a month and we had a separate part of each of our bank accounts that were for food and food only. Though sometimes we were short and I would have to use my own sticky fingers to get some food.

"Okay, ready to go?" James walked out in a pair of shorts and a patchwork hoodie. His head almost hit the ceiling and he bent down to look at me. I nodded and grabbed my keys, camera, and the clothes off of the table. I slipped on my shoes and turned back to James, who was wringing his hands.

"Marketplace or actual market?" I asked, pulling my phone off of the countertop as well. James scratched the back of his head, pulling out his phone.

"We got like twenty dollars left in the grocery account." James squinted at his phone as I ran around him to look at his phone to see if he was right. Unfortunately, he was right.

"Marketplace it is then." I turned and walked back to the door, waiting for James to do whatever he had to do. James followed, looking around the house. He huffed and looked up at me.

"Did you see where my shoes went?" James rarely ever wore shoes since his feet were so big and we were too poor to actually buy custom shoes but for Christmas this year I saved up to get him a pair. He was ecstatic and wore them whenever we went out.

"They should be in your room, yeah?" I asked, walking to his room and looking around quickly. They were on his bed as I had expected. I tossed them to James and watched him put them on.

"Okay, now I really am ready. Let's go." James walked to the door and let us out. I smiled and took the stairs instead of the elevator this time. It was more comfortable for James and a lot less comfortable for me. Even if I was in shape, I wasn't as in shape as James was and it sucked. Even walking downstairs made me winded.

"Car?" I asked, looking at the front door and then to the garage. James tilted his head to the garage and started walking that way. I blinked a few times before following James, jogging to keep up with him.

"Are you jogging?" James kept looking forward, trying to find our beaten down car. I could almost see James lift his eyebrow. I squinted and stuck my tongue out at him.

"I can't help it. You're a freaking giraffe!" James laughed, a deep bellow that only he could do. Even his voice was deep. It was like his voice took ages to climb up his neck and come out of his mouth.

"If I'm a giraffe you must be a short stack, yeah?" I laughed as well, trying to mimic his laugh which only caused James to laugh even more. I shook my head and looked around and sighed lightly.

We found out car after a few minutes of searching. Neither James nor I used the car much. James could barely fit into the car as it is so he really did walk everywhere. Everything I needed was within walking distance, for the most part. There were only a few times that I really did use the car. So we didn't really need a fancy car at all. It was the least expensive car we could find. We didn't really need it all that much but it was there when we did need it. James climbed in and got himself comfortable while I waited outside. He gave me a thumbs up when he was done and I climbed in as well, starting the car up.

The marketplace we normally shopped at was about a block away and even if the car was a bit unnecessary, we needed it. James and I would fill up bags of food and dump them into the car. I always felt shitty doing this because we were essentially stealing from people who lived in the community and I hated not having enough money to pay them. I had a bit of money for those people I tended to have a bit more pity for. The ones who looked like they really did my money. Those who were getting money from the raw vegans were ones I didn't tend to pay. They were already making enough money off of the suckers who thought that they were being healthy but instead were taking huge amounts of supplements and chemicals to make sure they were still 'healthy'.

I dropped James off at the front of the market and drove around to find a parking spot. Damned healthy millennials. I couldn't find a spot and eventually found on when someone came out of their spot. They flipped me off for riding their ass. I sighed and flipped them off all the same. I pulled in and walked out of the car, pulling some reusable bags out of the trunk. I tried to find James in the crowd of people. Of course, it was easy to find him. I walked up to him and bumped him on the hip.

"Hey, Hero." James smiled and looked at me as if he hadn't seen me in awhile. I giggled and easily shut myself up, the high pitch making me a bit uncomfortable.

"Hey, James." James winked and looked me over. I blushed and bumped my hip against his. James smiled and rolled his eyes, walking over to another booth to check out their fruit. With one nod of his head, I was off on my little run.

I grabbed whatever I needed with my sticky fingers and didn't pay a dime except for a few items which I bought to avoid suspicion. There were no cameras here so all I had to do was keep my head down. I kept moving, filling the bag up to the brim with food before heading back to dump the food on the table. Families were feasting on their all natural, gluten-free, non-GMO, all raw vegan food. There were the kinds of people James and I made fun of. I went back to the fruit stands and grabbed more and more food. I filled the bag once, twice, three times emptying it all into the trunk of our little car. On the fourth time, I came back and sat down next to James. I smiled lightly and looked at everyone else eating. I went out and grabbed some seasoning for the meats and grabbed some drinks, mostly water. I grabbed some more meat and smiled lightly. I headed back to the car and dumped the last of the food into the trunk. The market was beginning to thin out and people had begun to shut down their carts. I came back and placed a hand on my hip, looking down at my friend. James followed me back to the car and smiled.

"Looks like someone has sticky fingers." James giggled and smiled lightly all while getting into the car. I smiled and looked down lightly getting into the car as well.

"James?" I asked, looking over at him while I pulled on my seatbelt. James raised an eyebrow, smile fading off of his face. I paused after buckling my seatbelt, looking at him.

"Yeah? What's wrong?" He asked, dark brown eyes searching my face with concern. I took a deep breath and let it all out, trying to calm my heart rate.

"Do you think this whole Ph.D. thing is a good idea?" I asked, looking down at my hands. My mouth went dry like I had a cotton ball in my mouth and I couldn't face him. It was a stupid question and I knew it.

"Yes, of course. It's only natural for you to seek the highest degree in your field." James lifted my chin with two fingers, making me look into his eyes. I swallowed the cotton ball like dryness in my mouth and nodded, starting the car up. James placed a large hand on mine and turned the car off using my hand.

"What? That's all I had to ask." My voice was small and weak. James kept his hand on mine and looked straight into my eyes. He looked down at my arm and squinted.

"Did you get henna today? When did you have time to do that?" I looked down at whatever he was talking about and squinted as well. I shook my head and tried to make out what it was.

I could see where he got the Henna idea from. The coloring was a light brownish red, almost the exact same coloring as Henna. The whole tattoo extended across most of my forearm. There was a central line, the bottom of which had three diagonal lines running across it. The top had what looked like an eye, a circle running around the top of the central line. From said circle, there were three lines extending from it. The shortest line was at the bottom and the longest was at the top. Wings, or what looked like it, extended from the middle of the line. They weren't connected to the line and hovered a little bit away from the line. I cocked my head to the side and tried to figure out where I had seen this symbol before.

"No, never got Henna today. I was too busy getting food, must be from some club." I pulled my arm away from James' grip and restarted the car. James and I were silent for the short ride home. We made the many climbs up and down the stairs in silence as well. As soon as that I was done, I went back to my room.

I looked around at my notes and tried to figure out in which set of notes I had seen the symbol in. This tattoo definitely hadn't been on my arm this morning and I'm decently sure I hadn't been into any clubs recently. I racked my mind for what could have caused this tattoo to be on my arm. I looked around the room for anything I could find that would lead me to the answers I needed. I looked at the Egyptian mythology notes I had taken. I flipped through some of the books I had on the bed. I tried to go as slow as I could. There was nothing else I could do. Even if I couldn't find anything, this would be at least a good study session. My eyes got heavy as I looked through all of the books.

"Hero?" James knocked on my door and walked in without any indication that I actually wanted him to come into my room. I turned to him and set down the heavy book into my hands. I blinked slowly and sat down in my desk chair.

"What?" I asked weakly. James walked in and sighed lightly, sitting down at the foot of my bed. I cradled my head in my hands and sighed lightly.

"You are going to bog yourself down with stress. Maybe that...the thing is from a club or a night you can't remember. You have been in a haze of studying lately, which isn't healthy by the way. Plus, it is getting to be around that time of the year and I don't want you disappearing this year, okay?" I turned to James and sighed lightly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, blinking a bit more slowly this time. I reached out for another book but James pulled it out of my reach before I could get to it.

"Hero, honey, it's almost your birthday and the anniversary of you know...the death of your parents," James said slowly, looking up at me.

"And? They would want me to be the best person that I can and if that means studying then I'll do it." James rolled his eyes and patted a spot next to him. I got up and sighed lightly, sitting down next to him. James pulled me closer and placed a hand on my waist. I leaned my head on his shoulder and looked down.

"I don't think you ever processed all that had happened to you, have you?" He asked, looking me over. I shook my head and looked down at my hands.

My whole life had been a bit rough. Trauma had been a bit of running theme. A friend of mine drowned in a pool while a few friends of mine were having a pool party. I was the only one who could actually swim and I still blamed myself for that incident. A few months to a year later, memories are fuzzy from around then, a cousin whom I liked died in a four-wheeler accident. I had to go to the funeral. The parents I loved and liked turned out to be real asshole people. They had been unsupportive as hell throughout most of my life, well the short life I had with them. They kept me from around the age of six to ten. Then they dumped me into the woods and told me to stay there and not to tell anyone about them. I was picked up from the woods when I was around high school age. I was put through multiple rounds of testing and it was decided that I was smart enough to head to high school. I wasn't emotionally ready but no one seemed to pay any attention to that. They shoved me into this fast-track program which set me up for college, which is what everyone wanted me to do. I tried my hardest and I eventually got into the college that the high school had paired up with but this didn't come without its own problems. Throughout my first two years of high school, I was subjected to multiple attempts on the school. It was mostly threats to shoot up the school but my sophomore year of high school someone actually threatened to blow up the school. All of that wasn't that bad. It just got ridiculous as well. Even a clown threatened to shoot up the school. The students had become accustomed to all of the threats. But the trauma I had remembered was the most recent one. A friend of mine committed suicide my junior year of high school. I was broken as soon as I heard the news. I barely held myself together and didn't even cry about it until my official freshman year of college. I didn't even go to the funeral because I wasn't ready to face the fact that he was dead. But I hadn't even fully processed my first friend's death so I went into a spiral. I had been ready to kill myself at one point. That was when my parents died in a car crash only a few days after the news broke that my heart into pieces even if those assholes were the worst.

"No." I wasn't sure if my voice was there or not but the word formed on my lips anyway. I shook my head trying to erase the memories but they wouldn't go away.

"Then you need closure. We're going to their graves tomorrow and there is nothing you can do about it, okay?" He held me close and looked down at the tattoo.

"What the hell do you think it is? I mean, I've only gone through the one book but, it's definitely something I've seen before." I asked, looking at it as well. James shrugged and looked up at me.

"I'm not the expert on that kind of stuff and I don't think you are either. It's best if we lay it to rest for now, yeah? Focus on dinner?" James stood and extended an arm to me. I shook my head and reached for another book. James slapped my hands away and took both of them. He pulled me up and rolled his eyes.

"Nooooo! I want to actually get to the bottom of this!" My voice got higher as I began whining. I pulled away from James and crossed my arms. James sighed and looked down at his shoes or lack thereof.

"No you're going to get off of your ass and you're going to eat some food. Real food this time and not whatever the hell you've been eating." James lifted me up over his shoulder and took me to the kitchen, sitting me down in a chair. I rolled my eyes and just sat there, too tired to object to him.

James looked at the food I had snatched, taking each piece of food into consideration. He finally settled on a salad and some fish. After James made dinner and fed the two of us, he dragged me over to the TV for some 'quality' time with him. My eyes were already a bit heavy and James wasn't making it much better. He was warm and had a bit of fat to him. His large body made a great pillow. James had made us some hot chocolate though I was too tired to move. A blanket was draped over our shoulders. I yawned a bit and leaned into him. He held me closer and rubbed my shoulder. My eyes closed as I fell into dreamland.

~

"Hey, Hero, wake up." James shook me awake. I groaned and rolled over in my sleep, instinctively grabbing a pillow and cuddling into it.

"No, I don't wanna wake up." I groaned, trying my hardest to go back to sleep but to no avail. Finally, I opened my eyes and rolled over, opening my eyes to the cool light of the television static. James rubbed his eyes and stood up, stretching as much as he could for the small amount of space that he had.

"We forgot to do the shoot. Maybe now is the best time to do it?" I squinted lightly, trying to piece together his words. I nodded and got up, shuffling to my room to pick up my camera. I shuffled back out and waved him out of the apartment. James grabbed his keys and walked out in front of me, letting me shut the door behind him.

"Where are we going to go?" I asked, rubbing my eyes even more. I checked my phone for the time, suspecting that it was the middle of the night, which it was.

"I was thinking of the old carnival grounds and then to the cemetery?" James offered up, turning back towards me. I nodded sleepily and looked down, shuffling slightly and looking out at the streets.

The chatter of women and men talking to each other. The gruff voice of the bouncer. A guitar singing over the lead singer's voice. Drummers keeping the beat to hundreds, if not thousands of hearts. Singers wailing like a banshee in the night, feeding off the energy of the screaming fans. Bassists growling like wolves on the hunt barely heard over all the noise. The screaming fans covering up the lead singer, letting out chokes and screams as if they were being murdered by the words being sung. There was a concert going on in the theater up the street. I could see the nights spent doing cocaine binges to hanging over the toilet in a drunken haze. Sex in the bathroom stall of some sleazy venue and waking up in a hotel room not knowing who is next to you. The time of your life to waiting in the nearest Planned Parenthood waiting on the results of an STD test, a pregnancy test or both. Or standing at the funeral of a dead friend. They had died from a cocaine overdose the night before.

I could almost see Elvis Presley dying on his toilet, heaving out his last breaths or Kurt Cobain blowing his head off in Seattle. I could hear the fans screaming and wailing at the top of their lungs, waiting for an idol that will never come home. Their hearts no longer have a steady beat. Wolves are no longer chasing them down, they had nothing to fear anymore. They will no longer hum along to the wordless voice. I almost forget that the people I idolize have problems of their own as well. Lead singers with ADD, depression and anxiety and bassists with an addiction to heroin and cocaine. Drummers having an affair with the porn star down the street and the lead guitarist with anorexia and bulimia. The rhythm guitarist would hug them all, trying their hardest to glue their broken family back together.

The thought that music saves the fans as much as it saves the people in the band terrifies me. It has always been an outlet to get all of my rages out but I never stopped to consider theirs. The pain that had once manifested in bloodied bruises and self-harm scars and my spine poking out of the pale grey skin and a spot of puke hanging off of my chin like the last bit of spaghetti I had forgotten to slurp up as a kid happened to them too. All of that pain was now being manifested in the song lyrics that I had sung along too many times over and that the lead singer sang instead of an addiction to not feeling any of pain at all.

I could hear their songs from the slaves of Africa singing their songs about becoming free one day to Elvis Presley stealing some, maybe even all, of his style from those same slaves. From the hymns at church, I used to sing to Woodstock in '69, a summer that I never saw. Warped Tour for the skaters and punks with their spikes and leather jackets. Coachella for the basic white girl with their mocha latte from Starbucks and their flower crowns, holding onto a summer that wasn't theirs in the first place. The same way I hung onto Woodstock. There were the underground raves for the goths and MTV for those too poor to get their hands on Jay-Z and Beyonce tickets. Music has given hope to generation after generation and I know that sounds cliche as hell. The people are idols for our kids to look up to in a time of need when our words fail them. Someone, or something, that is there for them when the rest of the world has turned its back on them. Music is something that beats in the hearts of every person. There are those who still have their wild side and those who would rather be bootylicious. In simplicity, they are two sides of the same coin that is the human race. Music, no matter what form, has somehow saved lives, even mine.

The air smelled of freshly cut grass and someone's grill. The air had gotten a bit muggier and had warmed up a bit. A storm was on its way. The city hadn't decided what season it was in. Winter had barely ended yet the weather swung between brutal winter weather and muggy summer weather. It was only April and I was expecting spring weather, not this rapid change of two other seasons. Crickets chirped in the air as I mindlessly walked in the middle of the street. James walked along the sidewalk and I took a few photos of him. He looked like a more muscular version of Slenderman. I smiled sleepily and shuffled along. My eyes burned as I tried to keep myself awake. James smiled lightly and turned back to me, waiting at the corner for me.

"Thanks for waiting for me." James set off again and I jogged to keep up with him. I took his hand and slid my hand down until I found a finger.

"You're the one who is taking the pictures, I kind of need to keep you by my side," James smirked and looked at me. I giggled lightly and shook my head.

"Yeah, of course." I smiled and kept walking alongside my friend, trying to stay as close as I could to him without inhibiting my ability to take pictures of him.

I held up a hand and stopped James in his tracks. He stepped into the middle of the street almost automatically and I stepped all the way back. I took a few photos of his shadowed figure before pulling my tripod out and a small remote. As soon as I set up the camera and tested the remote a few times, I walked up to James. I took his hand in mine and looked straight at the camera. I snapped the photo. The second photo was of me looking up at him. The third was of James throwing me over his shoulders. The final photo was of James taking me towards the edge of the road. He took me back to my camera, helping me pack up my tripod.

"Want to go home?" James asked while I leaned on his arm, gripping it like a crutch while we walked. I shook my head lightly and looked forward.

"No, not yet. You know that once I'm up past three in the morning, I'm up for the rest of the day." I yawned and nuzzled into his arm, closing my burning eyes.

"Want to go to a diner or something? There's got to be someplace that's open." James looked at the rising sun. I nodded lightly and looked up at him.

"Yeah, please. Let's go get some food. I got the bill this time. I have money this time, like legit money." I smiled lightly and kept walking with him. James laughed and shook his head.

We walked to the nearest diner and sat down at a booth. The place was as empty as a horror movie diner. There was an old man sitting at the counter, most likely a trucker from another town. I hadn't seen him before, though I didn't get out much. My fingers rubbed at the hoodie I was wearing. James smiled and looked at me overtop his menu. I put my hands on the table, closing my menu and looked at James. A tired waitress leaned on the countertop, talking to the trucker. I scrolled through the pictures on my camera and bit my lip.

"Hey, come take a look at this." I scooted over, making room for James on my side of the booth. James slowly stood up and sat down next to me stretching his legs out.

I placed the camera between the two of us, scrolling through the photos I had just taken. The first photo was fine. The second photo had a shadow in it, which I had originally dismissed as just a shadow I would edit out later. But the third photo was the one was the one that sent shivers down my spine. James was still walking away and I was still thrown over his shoulder, reaching out to the camera while a fake scream was painted on my face. But next to the two of us, there was a bright light extending down from the left corner of the photo. A hand was extending out towards me, an ice blue color with what looked like raised scars. A beautiful necklace hung from the man's fingertips. Rubies and emeralds draped on a beautiful gold chain. James shrugged and looked at me.

"So what? It's just a normal photo." James shrugged and got up. I shot a look at him and looked him over then back at my camera. The light was gone and so was the hand. I shook my head and sighed.

"Sorry, must be a trick of the eye. Either that or I'm just tired." James nodded while a waitress set our drinks before us. I smiled and let her take our orders for food.


End file.
